Comments on: Family Matters

By: Eric

Eric — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 01:31:46 +0000

Coming from a family without well-adjusted parents, I felt unlucky. I’ve come to realise parents are just people, and flawed people at that. The one thing I am grateful for is the sense of clarity I have about the kind of person I want to be (and the kind of person I don’t want to be).
Having said that – it’s hard to get past your past. I think there is an element of ‘generational decline’ in family stability – I’ve had to work on myself a lot to be able to have a good relationship, because I didn’t just pick it up through osmosis.

By: tedscott

tedscott — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 10:09:23 +0000

Thank you Sheree. It was a delightful surprise to see your (somewhat delayed) response to this blog.

By: Sheree Press

Sheree Press — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 06:42:10 +0000

Ted, thank you for sharing your memories of growing up. I laughed at many of them, and can relate similar experiences. Life was so much more simple growing up in that era, and people were more supportive of their neighbours and communities because they had time. It’s hard working full time to sometimes even know your neighbours’ names because they work full time too and you only catch glimpses of each other hanging washing at night. I have long thought along similar lines to Greg and as a woman Greg, took no offence at his comments.
I’ve raised 3 children and worked fulltime much of the 27 years my husband and I have been married. The counselling I had from my mother each afternoon about my little worries and concerns was priceless. I’m not sure why there weren’t so many psychologists then but Mum’s brand of pyschology always managed to put my playground dramas right. I’ve long thouht our country and the crime rate amongst our youth would have been better served with governments paying mothers to stay home and raise their children rather than paying someone else to do it. I certainly wanted nothing more than to stay home with my children just as my mother had done. I enjoy my job and I’ve had some wonderful opportunities, but I would have loved to have been a stay at home Mum just like my Mum.

By: Jo

Jo — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 22:17:17 +0000

By: Father Robin

Father Robin — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 02:03:13 +0000

Well said
Father Ted.

But what about the unwanted dumped babies?

Where is their base?

By: Greg Brown

Greg Brown — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 21:48:13 +0000

I, like you Ted, am truly fortunate to have grown up with the unconditional support of a rock solid family and by luck or good management believe my wife and I have created a similar family environment for our children. It is something we set out to do consciously and it is something we have both had to work at. It does not just happen.

There is no doubt in my mind that the family unit is in decline the question is why? Ted, you suggest that mobility is a factor and I would not disagree with this but I have some other suggestions that are probably politically incorrect and I am sure will be inflammatory for some. But hey isn’t that what a blog is for ….. so here goes.

Male and female roles were much more defined 50 years ago and the primary role for women was it seems to me, home maker. It was not such an under valued role then. It is only in recent times that we have come to accept that a woman must have a career to be considered successful.

We have also become highly focussed on material wealth. Television through advertising and the TV shows themselves now tells us what we need to be happy and how much others will envy us if we have this or that (check out the latest car adverts). It no longer seems possible for a family to exist on one income and have an acceptable standard of living as we have been conditioned to believe. Hence women now have a role as bread winner.

This greater level of acceptance of women in the workforce has given women greater levels of independence. The net result is that now when Mum and Dad have relationship problems they have 2 options. They can buckle down and solve the issue or they can just walk away. 50 years ago it was not so easy to walk away. It was important that differences were settled or at least some sort of compromise was reached. Perhaps there were a lot of unhappy families back then instead of broken families, but I suspect that the lack of an easy way out resulted in at least considerably more effort going into making a family work. A wife was well motivated by her lack of independence but there was also considerable pressure on her husband as well. A man who abandoned his wife and family more often than not had to leave the district. It was just plain unacceptable.

Unfortunately the breakdown of the family also seems to have a snowball effect. When 70% of a generation comes from broken families how can they know what they are missing. Without role models the decline of the family snowballs.

I am trying not to pass judgement here but rather make an observation… my wife has worked throughout our married life. I do still believe though that a core reason for the decline of the family initially was the changed role of women in society combined with a more materialistic and self centred outlook on behalf of both sexes. There are no doubt many other factors at play and I am sure not everyone will agree with me so there is room for discussion

By: Mark Brookes

Mark Brookes — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 05:42:05 +0000

Well said, Ted. You mention the unconditional love of parents for their children. Is there any better example of unconditional love that we can still readily observe and practise in our lives on a daily basis? (Forgiveness, sacrifice, no thought for reward and yet rewarding beyond words.) I can’t think of a better example so commonly in evidence, and despite sharing your concerns, that remains for me a great source of hope for our humanity.